Procrastination isn’t going anywhere, so why not make it comfortable?

After quitting my corporate recruiting job last year to focus on writing full time, I decided to take stock of my ability to keep a schedule, produce consistently, and put in daily work toward my writing goals.

To get ahead of my tendency to procrastinate, I created checklists and daily learning plans that I followed for two to three days before falling out of routine.

Realizing that I was losing my battle against procrastination, I decided to reward myself for tasks completed or withhold those rewards when I didn’t reach…

Eat your heart out, oysters.

An aphrodisiac is a substance that increases sexual desire, sexual pleasure, or sexual behavior. Typically, when we hear the term, we think about oysters, alcohol, horny goat weed, or…ecstasy.

Most “aphrodisiacal” substances, like the ones listed above, are mired in the dubiousness of mythology, danger, and drunken endorsements so we may not give credence to their efficacy — for good reason. However, we can all admit that there ARE true aphrodisiacs in life, and some of them are not substances at all, but behaviors.

Communicating effectively with your partner will get your motors running like nothing else.

Most of us jump into sex without any plan, goal, or…

Which is saying a lot since life is hard incarnate.

If you’re like me, you learned much of what you know about love from popular culture. You watched The Little Mermaid where you discovered that people don’t even need to be able to communicate effectively to fall in love. You watched Say Anything and learned that all you needed was a boombox and a trench coat to get the girl. Or maybe you watched music videos that told full love stories in two minutes or less.

Either way, it all looked so easy. And maybe that’s because it was —…

Thriving in the face of shade-based prejudice.

Colorism is a silent but deadly practice that lurks just behind its louder big brother, racism. Colorism the idea that a person of a darker shade is somehow inferior, ugly, or unworthy of respect.

As a dark-skinned black woman growing up in the Midwest, I’ve been subjected to instances of colorism throughout my entire life — be it from a boyfriend that made insensitive comments about my dark skin while spinning it as a compliment, or seeing social and popular media’s paltry or problematic representation of darker skinned women.

Dealing with a colorist…

And I hope to keep it that way.

My writing is a very personal act — one that I am not comfortable sharing with either of my extremely conservative parents for fear that they will discover the depths of my depravity.

I can admit that I’m envious of my friends who have parents that actively absorb their artistic offerings, no matter how risqué, and are still able to maintain a normal relationship. I’ve made peace with the fact that this is not my reality.

When it comes to my fiction, for example, I write dark, violent subject matter with —…

At the risk of sounding like a “loose woman” I must admit that I’ve dated A LOT. I wasn’t allowed to date in junior high or high school and once I was on my own, I definitely made up for lost time. Also, having not developed any concept of the inner workings of a romantic relationship during my formative years, I had a steep learning curve. I wouldn’t change it for the world.

I’ve experienced a lot of ups and downs and some downright horrors in my romantic relationships and have found the the worst ones I’ve experienced have taught…

Are you fresh off a string of relationships that never quite got off the ground? Did they get off the ground only to disintegrate around the x-month/year mark for no apparent reason? Are you at your wits end about how to cultivate a lasting relationship? Are you always the dumped and never the dumpee?

If so, it might seem that there is some unseen force wrecking your relationships, but that’s not the case. There are specific reasons that your relationships are failing — and yes, it’s all your fault. Here’s why.

1. You’re boring.

Simply put, beauty and good looks draw them in…

The better we know people, the more likely we are to find fault with them.

Truer words have never been spoken. Familiarity breeds contempt. As a person who’s had her share of long term relationships, I know all too well how true these words are.

Relationships get stale, they go through dry patches, and sometimes, like when you’re spending A LOT of time with your mate, you begin to feel, shall we say, a little annoyed at the very sight of them.

Here are a few ways to un-familiarize yourself with your partner and reawaken the novelty within your long-past-new…