5 Reasons Your Relationships Fail
Are you fresh off a string of relationships that never quite got off the ground? Did they get off the ground only to disintegrate around the x-month/year mark for no apparent reason? Are you at your wits end about how to cultivate a lasting relationship? Are you always the dumped and never the dumpee?
If so, it might seem that there is some unseen force wrecking your relationships, but that’s not the case. There are specific reasons that your relationships are failing — and yes, it’s all your fault. Here’s why.
1. You’re boring.
Simply put, beauty and good looks draw them in, substance keeps them. If talking about yourself is the main subject of conversation on a daily basis, if you consider a Netflix and chill the highlight of your day, if you aren’t a good conversationalist who can make nothing out of something, that could be your problem.
Once the novelty of physical attraction wears off there must be something of substance to keep a person interested. Life is long and full of options, so people move on from less than ideal relationships in record time which makes keeping things interesting key.
Your interests, hobbies, goals, etc. (or even your penchant for drama or theatrics) are what keeps your partner intrigued. In the future, let your partner in on the things that make you unique — share your hobbies with them, invite them to a concert — or even better, invite them to your concert. Give them a taste of all the exciting things you have in store for them as your relationship grows and endures. If you don’t have any hobbies, interests, etc. get some fast — for your own sake, as well.
2. You’re out of touch with your sexuality.
Sexuality is different things for different people. Some people have ravenous sexual appetites, some people are asexual, some people fall in the middle and only need limited physical intimacy to feel fulfilled. The key is knowing your sexual self and leveraging that in a way that complements that of your partner.
Not knowing what turns you on, being skittish when discussing sex and desire, failing to ask questions of your partner about their sexuality and expectations in that area are a surefire way to disintegrate one of the most important components of a relationship: sexual compatibility.
You owe it to yourself, most of all, to know determine the details of your sexual self, and I encourage anyone who isn’t sure about this area of themselves to forego a relationship until they’ve gained clarity in that area.
3. You’re an awful communicator.
Communication with our significant others has never been easier. With few exceptions, almost everyone is reachable 24 hours a day. Knowing the brand of communication your partner requires is important, and if you fail to meet those expectations, that could be a problem.
Achieving effective communication is easier than people assume — you need only to communicate. Ask your partner if they prefer to speak by text, if they like phone calls, if they are not the type to need to speak every single day. If you go into a relationship with a guidebook around what your partner prefers, you can ensure that you never fall short by over — or under — communicating.
Another element of communication outside of the method by which you communicate concerns one’s ability to fully communicate their feelings. If you’re unable to tell your partner when something bothers you, when they’re doing something right, or whatever you might be feeling day to day, it creates gray areas that can fester until it degrades the quality of the relationship.
Don’t be afraid to tell you partner things they may not like because the test of the strength of a relationship depends on a couple’s ability to understand one another through and through, especially places of discord that could destroy the relationship down the line.
4. You lack self-awareness.
By far, I find this to be the biggest relationship killer. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve talked with someone after the dissolution of their relationship only to learn all the ways their partner destroyed the relationship while they were blameless; the victim.
It’s easy to focus on the faults of your partner while ignoring your own shortcomings that contributed to the fall of a union. Think back on your last relationship and dive deep into the role you played in arguments, misunderstandings, and communication break-downs.
You must remember that you are not perfect, and this will allow you to be empathetic to your partner’s struggles with the mistakes you undoubtedly made which will grant you the clarity to determine areas of improvement that will allow you to succeed in your next relationship.
5. You aren’t ready for a relationship.
Emotional baggage is real, and I can guarantee that no one wants to help carry yours. If you’ve been hurt too many times to count and you haven’t made peace with the role you might have played in a relationship that went south, the last thing you should do is jump into another relationship.
Sit down and assess yourself. What type of people are you attracted to, and why? Are these the right type of people to achieve your relationship ideals? Have you healed from the pain of past relationships enough to understand that sometimes things end, and sometimes it’s no one’s fault?
If you’re carrying the ghosts of relationships past into your new relationships, your partner can feel it, and no one wants to pay for the sins of a stranger.
Of course, there are instances when a relationship falls apart and it’s no one’s fault, or, the union simply ran its course. However, it is always a good exercise to remember that it takes two to tango. If a relationship crashes and burns, refrain from jumping straight to the mistakes your partner made. While there’s no doubt that they made them, it doesn’t mean that you didn’t make just as many, or more.
Some relationships are over before they even begin because you haven’t done the proper work on yourself before embarking on a new romantic journey. In all instances, self-reflection will not only help you come to terms with the reason your relationship failed, but will set you up for success on the next go-round.
