Communication: The Most Potent Aphrodisiac That Money Can’t Buy
Eat your heart out, oysters.
An aphrodisiac is a substance that increases sexual desire, sexual pleasure, or sexual behavior. Typically, when we hear the term, we think about oysters, alcohol, horny goat weed, or…ecstasy.
Most “aphrodisiacal” substances, like the ones listed above, are mired in the dubiousness of mythology, danger, and drunken endorsements so we may not give credence to their efficacy — for good reason. However, we can all admit that there ARE true aphrodisiacs in life, and some of them are not substances at all, but behaviors.
Communicating effectively with your partner will get your motors running like nothing else.
Most of us jump into sex without any plan, goal, or discussion. This makes sense because spontaneity is a key component of sexual encounters with a partner, and doling out directives while you’re getting hot and heavy can be a mood killer — if done wrong.
Done right, your intimate requests can heighten the moment, increase the heat, build anticipation, and ensure an amazing experience for all parties involved.
Tell your partner what you like in the heat of the moment.
Telling your partner that you like what they do with their tongue right after they do that thing with their tongue is a way to give instantaneous positive reinforcement.
It gives your partner the confidence to continue the behavior and rewards you with more of what you like. This confidence also allows them to switch things up, and if you don’t give that new thing they do with their tongue the thumbs up, they’ll revert back to the tried and true with low embarrassment, high reward.
Tell your partner what you don’t like in the heat of the moment.
This can be trickier than positive affirmations because a negative response in vulnerable sexual moments can torpedo your partner’s confidence in their ability to please you.
The best way to let your partner know that you don’t like something is to not utter a phrase like “I don’t like that”, but to stop them with a firm caress and say something along the lines of “I like it better this way,” and then show them what you mean. As soon as they get the picture, offer them the positive affirmation to confirm their actions and bolster their confidence.
In this way, you get what you want the entire way through. Suffering in silence through a sex act is literally the worst thing you can do. There’s no doubt that your partner wants to please you, and if there is any doubt, you shouldn’t be having sex with them in the first place.
Tell your partner what you like in bed, outside of bed.
Talking about sex beforehand is the best foreplay there is. It allows you to build anticipation for the next time you’re able to do the deed. It can spice up a dull conversation in moments and is a healthy form of sexual expression.
Talking about sex before sex is also an opportunity to be more direct about what you do and don’t like in bed. In pre-sex intimacy, it’s less jarring to say, “I don’t like when you touch me in X spot” without fear of hurting anyone’s pride.
Talking about sex over dinner or during the wind-down after Netflix and chill removes the taboo, lessens inhibitions, and ensures that the next sexual encounter will be both enjoyable and comfortable.
Sex should always be an amazing experience, and when it’s not, insufficient communication is often to blame. So the next time you’re at dinner with the apple of your eye, skip the oysters in favor of a more potent aphrodisiac: communicating the specifics of your desires — which will lead to better sex overall.
